Welcome to Bonesville, Swabbie! News, Analysis, Opinion & Booty for Internet Plunderers

Pirate Notebook No. 80
Friday, August 23, 2002

By Denny O'Brien
Staff Writer and Columnist

Officially, I guess you'd term it a home game for Duke, even though the 20,000-plus East Carolina faithful next Saturday will make the setting seem like anything but.

The Duke contingent — the handful that live in North Carolina, at least — generally hibernate from April to November, counting the days until Coach K unveils his latest herd of freshmen sensations.

To tell you the truth, that's the kind of stuff ECU's in-state brethren has used as ammunition against the Pirates during roundball season.

Not anymore, though. Pirate fans have taken a liking to the hardwood these days, but they'd just as soon talk about the gridiron this time of year. Coach Logan says its our culture.

Of course, there are a few true blues that will venture to Wallace-Wade for the season opener. Rest assured, though, the majority of those would like to meander over to Cameron along the way, hoping to catch a glimpse of 'Shav'.

In all fairness, some of the Dukies will have a genuine interest in the game, hoping this will be the one. Others, on the other hand, will find intrigue in the unusual bustle in their midst, wondering why all the fuss about a durned ol' football game.

Oh, there will be a culture shock. You can count on that. Most of the slackjaw won't come as a result of the action, rather the festivities that surround it.

So, instead of putting our devilish friends in a state of cardiac arrest, it would be cordial to prepare them for what's in store. After all, it's the least we can do since they're letting us borrow their stadium for our home opener.

Don't you think?

Count on us arriving early, friends. Real early. And we all seem to get there at the exact same time. No lie.

Approximately four hours before kickoff, expect a throng of automobiles covered in tacky decor. Beamers, SUVs, Chevy pickups, or junkers — it doesn't matter. They'll all be plastered with purple-and-gold magnets and car flags, not to mention a bumper sticker or four.

Some will take shoe polish and write messages on their windows. Most of the phrases will be clever and humorous, likely to include the number "24", which happens to be the one which follows the number Blue Devil fans are sick of hearing about.

If you're a Duke student and need to be somewhere on campus, take my advice and get there early. By 2:30, nary a parking space will be found, not even near the library. That's just as good a place as any to polish off a picnic basket full of hors d'oeuvres before the pregame meal.

Next is a sacred ritual we call 'tailgating'. It occurs almost every Saturday during the fall. Now, I know what you're thinking, and this ain't the same. So, just relax and listen.

Unlike New Jersey, our version is a pleasant experience that is totally opposite from what ya'll have on the Turnpike. Here, we eat, drink, socialize, and gossip. And we have a tendency to do some of them in excess. Shame on us.

We do it real nice-like, though. Well, most of us, anyway. You'll see an array of tables covered in purple-and-gold cloths (seems like everything's purple and gold with this crowd), which makes a nice setting for an extra large spread.

The food will range from fried chicken to barbecue — both of which are southern delicacies. We like our chicken from the "Bo", while our barbecue is a fairly unique type of cuisine.

Chances are, someone will invite you over for a spell, so feel free to stop by. We're right nice, contrary to popular belief. And when offered a taste of our barbecue, don't be alarmed when it's not seasoned with Bullseye — or that it tastes like chopped pork doused in vinegar.

There will be plenty of beverages, including iced tea. We drink ours sweetened, if you please.

Oh, you'll like our women, no doubt, which is why you'll stay awhile. For the most part, they'll be dressed to the nines — by now you know the colors — and have their faces and hair all done up real pretty.

Their cheeks will be accented with a small version of our mascot. PeeDee's his name.

I know what you're thinking — "How in the world did he get her?". Or "What does she see in him?"

For one, we didn't always look like this, and to put it frankly, we're quite charming. OK?

The music will vary, depending upon the crowd. The baby boomers will be shagging to the Embers, while the Generation X'ers will mosh to alternative and the Y's and the Z's will be in synch with 'N Synch or rap.

You should find two songs, however, that have stood the test of time. Expect a good dose of Buffet's A Pirate Looks at Forty and Hendrix's Purple Haze.

We like to talk a lot, so their won't be awkward silence. Generally, the men huddle and try to impress each other, while mixing in a nice dose of golf and touchdown talk. The women, well I'd be crossing the line if I tell you they'll discuss an upcoming sale at Talbot's.

When the game finally starts, don't be surprised if we're not in the stadium just yet. We'll get there, trust me. Sometimes we lose track of time in the south and it's fashionable to be late.

Before we get to our seats, bank on us shaking a few hands and cluttering the aisles to chat with old friends. We need to get a full rundown on the three plays we missed before we settle in, regardless of who it annoys.

Our cheers are real simple and easy to follow. By and large, they consist of two-to-three words, and end with "Pirates!"

If you say "Go!", we'll say "Pirates!" When the PA guy says "First Down...", we'll say "Pirates!"

Then there is this other cheer if I can just remember it. Oh yeah, it's "Purple and Gold." Go figure.

As far as the football, there are a few things you need to know. However, if its textbook definitions you're seeking, you'll have to wait until next week. Here's the quick East Carolina version just to tide you over.

On 2nd-and-long, we like to run. On third-and-short, we throw deep. On fourth down, we like to go for it, regardless of the location. After touchdowns, we have a genetic urge to spring an onsides kick.

You do those types of things when you have a chip on your shoulder. That's what Coach Logan tells us, anyway.

Logan has plays that are the darnedest you've ever seen. Sometimes he uses linebackers and defensive linemen as fullbacks, while our receivers are likely to find themselves throwing passes instead of receiving them.

It wouldn't be a stretch to suggest we've got the wackiest play ever scripted, and more than likely, you'll probably see it. It just so happens, one of our boys actually scored a touchdown off it last season on national TV, upping the success rate to a whopping 2-for-30.

The terminology is just as hokey and the positions have the strangest names. Since you guys are supposed to be so smart, maybe you could be help us make sense of this one, because we've never heard of a Flex End.

Chance are, you'll walk away next Saturday calling our coach weird, and that's OK. To be honest, he kinda is, but we'll keep him all the same.

During the game, you won't find him hootin' and hollerin', or banging any heads. None of that nonsense. "Ole Lonesome", as he's known, prefers to crouch away from the action so he can think, conjure, decipher, and whatnot.

That isolation, I'm often told, is why the Pirates lost six games last season. I generally get blank stares when I ask how they won the other six.

Well, enough about the Pirates, let's move on to Duke. Rumor has it "The Streak" hasn't missed a game for quite some time now — 23 straight, as a matter of fact.

I can still remember Ray Stevens singing about that fella and I clearly recall thinking how "The Streak" sounded like a pretty cool dude. So, if it wouldn't be much trouble, maybe ya'll could arrange for him to hang around until at least after the game.

We're a little bit modest at times, so do us a favor and make sure he clothes himself with a uniform. Jersey No. 24 will do.